It's hard to imagine weighing over 500 pounds.point 43 | But that's me.point 59 | Jacqueline.point 70 | A girl who did in fact weigh over 500 pounds.point 106 | Who had an unhealthy relationship with food.point 144 | Who struggled to get out of the hole I dug for myself.point 187 | I was good at making excuses and pushing my problems aside.point 236 |

I laughed it off when I was made fun of and acted like it did not bother me.point 59 | But deep down inside, I was hurt.point 86 | I was scared.point 97 | I wanted to live my life again without my weight holding me back.point 150 | I wanted to love myself again.point 175 | I was the only one who was in control of my actions and my decisions.point 230 |

It was up to me.point 12 | As of today I can proudly say I have lost over 300 pounds.point 58 | No I did not have weight loss surgery.point 89 | No I do not have any magic pills or secret tricks to how I lost the weight.point 148 | I decided enough was enough and I took control back.point 191 | I changed my diet and began exercising.point 224 |

So when I got these pajamas my first thought was  automatically like "there is no way I was going to post a picture in these shorts" no matter how much I loved them! I told myself they would be fine to sleep in, but knew deep down how “bad” they would look on me.point 225 |

I had it programmed into my brain that I can't wear shorts.point 52 | When I got home they fit perfectly but that feeling of thinking how “bad” they must look kicked in right away.point 146 | Kevin thought they looked cute.point 173 | Of course I did not believe him.point 199 | So I decided to have him take my picture in them to prove to myself how “bad” they really did look.point 282 |

But instead, after I saw the picture, it captured something completely different.point 70 | I did not see how bad my legs looked.point 99 | When I first looked at this picture the first thing I saw was pure holiday joy! I saw myself happy and that made me smile.point 197 | It was then followed by my second reaction which was OMG my legs…but you know what? That's ok.point 284 |

It's ok to feel insecure.point 25 | We are human.point 36 | So why would I let a little insecurity like the skin on my legs stop me from sharing a picture that just shows…joy! I know what posting this picture might bring.point 173 | Comments asking why my legs are so big, why is my top half so small and bottom half so large and my personal favorite, people telling me I have lipodema.point 297 |

I was nervous to take my cover up off and to walk into the pool or walk on the beach.point 66 | I still felt like that same 500 pound girl…then it happened.point 122 | A couple sitting by the pool started laughing and pointing at me and making fun of me as soon as I took my cover up off.point 217 |

So what did I do? I took a deep breath, smiled and walked into the pool.point 57 | That was a huge moment for me.point 81 | I had changed.point 93 | I was not the same girl anymore.point 119 | Yes I still have a lot of loose skin, I may still feel insecure at times, and yes I may still get made fun of.point 205 |

To be honest, yes it bothered me.point 27 | But I was not going to let people like that affect me anymore! I am not going to let what other people think of me stop me from living my life.point 140 | They do not know me.point 156 | They do not know how I have worked my ass off to lose 350 pounds.point 207 |

They do not know how I am recovering from major surgeries.point 48 | They have no right to sit and point and laugh at me.point 89 | That's why I smiled.point 110 | It does not matter what others say or if they try to doubt you or try to bring you down.point 179 | What matters is how you react to it.point 208 |

About 20 pounds was removed from my legs and the actual surgery was a very big procedure.point 73 | Now, 12 weeks later I am starting to feel like myself again.point 122 | 12 weeks ago it felt like I was never going to walk again, but here I am, stronger than ever and definitely not giving up anytime soon! I still have a long recovery ahead, and my check up with my surgeon on Friday did not go as I had hoped.point 313 |

  I am not going to be discouraged or let this get me down.point 49 | I am just going to take it one day at a time and keep moving forward! My body has been through a lot and right now it just needs love more than ever.point 166 | So that is what I am going to do! If you want to hear more about how my recovery is going and how I am doing 12 weeks post op, head over to my YouTube channel where I just posted a new video filling you guys in on everything! This week was hard for me, and I will talk about more of why I have felt “off” in this video too.point 423 |

Day 1 at the gym was HARD! It was not only physically challenging but mentally challenging as well.point 82 | I felt embarrassed, angry, and wanted to quit 5 minutes in.point 131 | It was hard, and I did not feel like I could do it.point 170 | I felt defeated.point 184 | But I never gave up.point 200 | Here I am, now 350 pounds lighter but still the same girl, laying in the exact same spot at the gym, and now, more determined than ever to continue to be better, stronger, healthier and to continue living my life- a life I almost lost due to my weight many years ago.point 416 |

Sometimes we don’t want to try something because we are afraid to fail.point 61 | We doubt ourselves before we even try and think, it’s is better not to even try that way we do not fail.point 146 | But what I say is, how will you ever know what you are capable of if you never try! That same girl who was laying on that grass, out of breathe, defeated, all red in the face and ready to quit…what would have happened if she never stood back up and kept fighting? That is something I never want to think about! If you keep trying, and if you keep standing back up, and trying your best, then you can never really fail.point 488 |